(The following was an artical in the BD News Letter
followed by a final closing artical.)
The Pee Pee Bandit
Over recent weeks the Brown/Dority household has been reporting strange events to the local authorities.
They have noticed on numerous occasions a strong and pungent odor emanating from a variety of objects.
They would quickly investigate but no culprit was seen. Objects attacked included new bed spreads, freshly
laundered clothes, bathroom mats, Dad's favorite chair, and a non-secured sleeping bag hasn't been safe for
over a year. With no positive proof of cause, the family was left with just cleaning up the mess and washing
the fouled articles of cotton.
After multiple attacks, local authorities dubbed the culprit as the PeePee Bandit, due to the similarities
of smell. Finally an odor expert was called in from the FBI. The expert, Detective I.P. Freely, examined
the evidence and sent samples to the Bureau's lab in Washington. The tests and Detective Freely's findings
were conclusive. The Brown/Dority family received a telegram from the FBI that simple read,
It is cat pee. Now there was a clue and the suspects narrowed.
The family decided to do all night watches to gather evidence. However the first person on guard each
night would always fall asleep. Sometimes that person would awake and find his feet soaking in cat pee.
The family was discouraged and knew the PeePee Bandit was laughing behind some door in the house.
As chance would have it, the villain made a mistake. One night Sean was gone, Meredith was asleep with
Mom & Dad, Chester lay on top of Meredith, Zac slept beside Dad, AND the bedroom door was shut. There
was only one other creature loose in the household. Zac alerted Dad by licking his elbow. A quick
investigation turned up another soiled artifact and there was no doubt. Meredith screamed,
It's Check! It's Check! Check is the PeePee Bandit!
The motive is still unknown. Maybe Check feels excluded. Maybe he feels superior. He may just have
a mean streak behind that deceiving grin and innocent purr. In any case Check the cat, a.k.a. PeePee Bandit,
is currently serving thirty days confined to the bathroom in hopes he can return to normal society after
learning a hard lesson of solitude.
(a folloup-up artical)
This paper reported the identity of the PeePee Bandit. It was Check the cat who served three weeks of
incarceration for his evil deeds. Following his release, he immediately reverted to his old ways. Officials
speculate whether or not this was caused by environment or heredity. The experienced investigator
just said A bandit is always a bandit. His mind was just warped.
Check is no longer a resident in our house. Zac the dog seemed to express the most distress from
Check's departure. Zac enjoyed being chased around the house by the cat. Chester the cat had no
commit as he sat on the couch with a BIG grin on his face. Economically, the total animal food bill has
dropped by 60% with the vacancy of the eating machine.
One irony has developed. Now the dog has exhibited a natural urge to visit a particular
rug in the kitchen. (maybe in protest) A solution for the dog, inappropriate for cats, has been proposed
where a rubber band will be placed in a strategic location to prevent indoor accidents.
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