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Another IV Day


(Wouldn't you know it would be on that date.) This was for my routinely scheduled MS IV of a 1000 mg of steroids. As usual it begins a period of fun and relaxation.

I arrived early and was promptly escorted to the 'IV Chamber' where I was seated next to another MS patient plagued with an inquisitive nature. Before the IV was even started, this other patient, Maggie, had my medical history and my views on Madonna's pregnancy. I would give you Maggie's history but my column is limited.

An RN walks by in the hall, sticks her head in the room and asks, 'How's Meredith, Gary?'

The RN to do the deadly deed this month approaches me with a smile on her face holding a 18 gauge needle already dripping with the liquid fire that will send me into orbit. She stabs me in the arm, no vein. She wiggles the needle around, no vein. She plunges deeper, no vein. She smiles and says, 'I never had this problem when I worked in the Congo. Even Meredith could hit your veins. Let me go get some help.'

I sit next to Maggie who hasn't stopped giving her life story, as the needle dangles from my arm preciously close to a vein and I think to myself, 'Why didn't I bring Meredith?'

In walks the IV Pro from Dover. 'Hi Gary, how is Meredith doing?' (If it is not clear to you by now, my little girl has left an impression at the MS Clinic.) The Pro works the needle in my arm like a Roto-Rooter and finally hits blood flow. Joy juice gushes into my body. As the Pro was leaving she turns to me and says, 'I was thinking and It would be nice for you to let Meredith occasionally give your BetaSeron injections. She would learn a lot and would love it.' My mind screams, 'EEE GADS!, the horror of it all!' I said, 'Ugh, I'll consider it.'

As I was leaving the clinic the Administrator looks up and says, 'Good-bye Mr. Brown. See you next month and bring Meredith with you then.' I thought to myself, 'Maybe they wouldn't notice if I just sent Meredith in my place.'