Make your own free website on

[This is a story about a pet cat that we
had at one time, a true member of the
family. The pet has passed away but
his memory lives on.]

A long, long time ago (in kid time, but it was only a couple of years) there was born a very special cat. His name was Charley but no one called him that yet. His father was a proud loner (a stray) with an unknown background, kinda like a knight. His mother was a fine lady of the house. It was like Robin Hood and Maid Marion. No one knew but Charley was to grow up and be the guardian of the neighborhood.

One day a young boy came to choose a pet from the litter. The boy knew right away the little baby Charley was special and chose him right away. The little boy called him Charley, after all it was his name. As Charley grew up he learned all the things a cat should know and grew to love the boy more than anyone else in the family.

As Charley grew, he began to change. He was developing strange powers unlike any other cat. He began to reason and could perform feats that would amaze the boy like speaking when asked, coming when called and playing chess with the computer. He was growing into the savior of the neighborhood. He was becoming Charley the attack cat. I have strange powers. I'm not going to let the humans know but will use my powers to guard the neighborhood. Charley was a wise cat.

At night Charley would wait until the boy would fall asleep then silently leave the bed, he slept with the boy. He knew nothing would wake the boy short of a bomb blast. Charley would leave the house (he had his ways) then go outside and turn into the attack cat.

On patrol one night early in his career, Charley rounded the house of a neighbor. He noticed cloths hanging on a wash line and a dog milling around. Previously a dog had pulled cloths off the line. Charley knew this was the dog. I got the sucker this time.

Charley poised in the shadows waiting for the dog to make the first move. He grew to three times his actual size as his sharp eyes watched the dog. The dog went for the cloths. Charley sprang forward in one giant leap, Aha ha! Gottya turkey.

Charley landed on the surprised dog's back. He began to slap at the dog's ears with his paws (the boy's mother had his claws removed). The dog's ears were batted around like leaves in the wind. The dog thought he was being covered by an army of fleas, but it was Charley the attack cat. Charley held on tight as the dog ran in circles. You'll never get away you canine fool! Charley covered the dog's eyes with his paws. The dog ran at random, blinded, then straight for the wall of the house. Just before impact, Charley jump from the dog. The dog ran full speed into the wall driving his nose back between his eyes. Then the animal fell to its side bettered by the cat.

Go about your way dog. Bother cloths no more. I have spoken. Charley waited for the dog to leave then returned home to sleep with the boy. It had been just another job while watching the neighborhood for Charley the attack cat.

Charley didn't live alone. He had a half-brother, Chester and they lived with the boy and his family. The boy's family had another little human, who was to be avoided, and two big humans, who didn't really get in the way. Chester took to the female humans and enjoyed the leisure life. The only thing that bothered Chester was going to see the doctor, he pooped in the box every time. And Chester was not the super hero type like Charley.

'Brother of mine, why do you not patrol with me to protect the neighborhood?' 'Give me a break, give up a warm bed? You are out of your mind.' 'You do not feel the need to do something useful other than sleep, eat, poop and cuddle with humans?' 'Yea right. Like that's a bad way to live.' 'Come with me and explore the night.' 'Yo mamma. Get on outta here hero.'

Scorned by his half-brother, Charley was undaunted. He was loved by the boy and he had a mission in life.

On another patrol, Charley was stalking up the street. He came upon a female cat sitting nearby. She gave him a soft inviting purr. But Charley knew his duty. 'Not now my lady. I must defend truth and the American way.' The female cat sighed and thought to herself, 'what a kat'. (In reality the boy's mother had taken Charley to the doctor and had him neutralized. He had no reason to dally with the female.)

A short way further, Charley spied the dreaded black cat. He was the one who had been scaring the neighborhood squires and little birdies. Charley's fur raised up for the occasion. He knew it was time to rid this area of the terror to little creatures.

The two cats stalked each other. They circled, never letting their eyes wonder. Their backs arched. Their tails flicked in anticipation. Their teeth were shown as a hiss escaped. It would be to the finish and the black one was unaware he faced Charley the attack cat. Then Charley raised on his hind legs, crossed his paws and said, 'Come now Blacky. Let's solve this in a civilized manner, over a game of checkers.'

So the game began. Charley was very good for he had watched the boy. In short order the black cat was defeated and Charley still had five kings remaining. 'Be gone with you black one and never return.' It was another successful mission for Charley the attack cat.

These events were normal for the neighborhood hero. He was a proud cat and exhibited pride whenever he walked through the house. This is why he avoided the little female human. It was she that did the one event that Charley's ego could not handle.

It happened on a warm day as Charley lay on the boy's bed warming in the sunshine coming through the window. He heard the little female human walking through the house, 'Just where is Charley? Where is that little baaabeee?' Charley raised his head and there she was peeking around the door. 'Oh no.' He poised to race under the bed but she was too fast. She had him wrapped in her arms in a split second, 'Come with me little baaabeee.' She must have got the speed from hormones because cat food didn't make Charley that fast.

Charley was in a panic. He knew what was coming for it had happened to his spineless brother Chester a number of times. 'Maybe if I throw-up on her?' Gag, gag, gag. 'No luck. I forgot to eat string this morning.' 'Meeeooow' he let out in hopes the boy would rescue him from a fate worse than death. But no, the boy was not around.

They went to the little female's room. She dressed him in a doll outfit and tied a bonnet on his head. She put little gloves on his paws. 'How utterly disgusting.', thought Charley, 'that this is happening to the attack cat.' She placed him in a baby carriage and pushed him around the house singing a dumb human song, 'When the wind blows, my baaabeee will rock ----'. She picked him up and rocked him in her arms.

'Purrrrr', Charley heard his brother Chester. He was setting in a chair grinning from whisker to whisker. 'Attack cat, smack cat. Tee Hee. You look so cute little brother.' Charley was burned to the core. He just hoped his mortal enemies never found out. It would be months before he could live this down.

Charley's greatest adventure came unexpectantly one day. The humans were away so he was doing his daytime rounds. He was poised under a bush when a truck pulled up to the boy's home. A human male got out and started for the house. This man was coming when the boy was not home. Charley became alert, ready to challenge the invader. He went into the attack cat mode. (Charley couldn't read so he didn't know the man was from the gas company coming to read the meter.)

The man passed by Charley. The cat sprang to life and charged the human. He wrapped around the man's leg, biting his ankle and beating the man's kneecap with clawless paws. 'Get away from me cat!', the man shouted as he shook his leg like he had stepped into dog do-do. The tussel was on. Charley climbed up the back of the man then circled his head with front paws. Charley pinched the man's nose as he scratched the man's back like covering his pee-pee in the cat box. The shirt was torn and the human's hair was all messed up as the cat play on his head like a scratching pole.

The man ran. Charley chased him nipping at his heels. With a strong leap, the cat sunk his teeth into the man's butt. That was enough. The man ran to his truck and left the scene.

Score another victory for Charley the attach cat. The humans would never know their home was saved the silent guardian. (Charley never understood why the gas was turned off two days later.) Nevertheless, future adventures were still to come in the life of this special cat.

back to BluElf written funnies