New Humor from
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
The Perils Of Living Dangerously
Getting a Free Day
The Car Was Stolen
Never say: So you're a feminist..lsn't that cute!
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
Sister Mary Katherine
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
The Lost Gravy Ladle
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, 'Does anyone
here know what we mean by sins of omission?'
One of the girls replied: 'Aren't those the sins that
we should have committed, but didn't?'
Lincoln vs. Kenndy
Dry English Wit
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?