| Then | Now |
| Killer Weed | Weed Killer |
| Being caught with Hustler magazine | Being caught by Hustler magazine |
| Hoping for a BMW | Hoping for a BM |
| The Grateful Dead | Dr. Kevorkian |
| Getting out to a new, hip joint | Getting a new hip joint |
| Moving to California because it's cool | Moving to California because it's warm |
| Being called into the principal's office | Storming into the principal's office |
| Peace Sign | Mercedes Logo |
| OJ, cutting & slashing | OJ, cutting & slashing |
| Getting your head stoned | Getting your headstone |
| The Making of the President | The making of the President |
| Going blind | REALLY going blind |
| Long hair | Longing for hair |
| Acid rock | Acid reflux |
| Worrying about no one coming to your party | Worrying about no one coming to your funeral |
| President Johnson | The President's johnson |
| Fighting to get rid of the lying President | Fighting to keep the lying President |
| The perfect high | The perfect high-yield mutual fund |
| Elvis in the army | Elvis in a UFO |
| Keg | EKG |
| Swallowing acid | Swallowing antacid |
| You're growing pot | Your growing a pot |
| Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents | Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids |
| Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor | Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor |
| Passing the driving test | Passing the vision test |
| Seeds and stems | Roughage |
| Popping pills, smoking joints | Popping joints |
| Whatever? | Depends |
| Off the pigs | No bacon please, I'm watching my cholesterol |
| Ommmmmm | Ummmmm |
| Our president's struggle with Fidel | Our president's struggle with fidelity |