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One Liners

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

Woman after head-on collision with man motorist: You had no right to assume that I had made up my mind

Woman driver to policeman giving her a ticket: Gosh, I didn't even realize that there were that many miles in an hour

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -- Robert A. Heinlein

Light travels faster than sound, therefore some people will appear bright until they talk.

What's the definition of eternity?
Four lady drivers at a Four-way stop.

How do you keep your blonde secretary occupied?
Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them.

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
Oh look! Donut seeds!

It may be your sole purpose in life simply to serve as a warning to others.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Life is sexually transmitted and invariably fatal.

I always meant to become a procrastinator.

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

CONFUCIUS SAY: Bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

If a man says something in the woods and no woman is there to hear, he still wrong?

--Rep. John Travis, D-Jackson. I can't believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what is best for this state.