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032899
Bizarre News


The makers of Viagra have announced that testing is underway on a new, faster-acting version of their wildly successful anti-impotence drug. The new drug, according to reports, is placed under the tongue and acts within minutes, instead of the hour or so required for the present version... okay, my tongue's hard, now what?


Joseph Comer of Longview, Washington was sentenced to six months in jail for baked parakeet. Comer told the court he was baking a cake when his girlfriend's pet bird flew into the oven...


When LaDonna Harris brought her new baby home from a Memphis, Tennessee hospital, she got a call saying they had given her the wrong baby. Harris refused to give the baby back, claiming that the other child could not be hers because it was too ugly...


Attorneys for convicted killer Alvaro Calambro have asked the Nevada Supreme Court to spare his life because the television cartoons he watched as a child left him unable to understand death. Public defender Michael Specchio says his client is confused by Roadrunner cartoons... this would also explain the anvil found at the crime scene...


No charges will be filed against a Sacramento, California school teacher for blowing up his students. The explosion at Luther Burbank High School occurred after the unnamed science teachers gave the students alcohol and matches... exhaustive testing has determined that the only other possible combination is wet matches...


Our Painfully Stupid Award goes to James Ellis Smith of Sacramento, California. Smith was convicted of armed robbery this week after committing a series of hold-ups with his criminal gang. They were arrested only after using the proceeds from some of the robberies to form their own record company, and releasing a rap album of songs detailing their crimes... I did it, uh-huh, I'm guilty, uh-huh...


The Oregon Department of Motor Vehicles has denied a man in Portland a vanity license plate reading VIAGRA. Steven Schuster said he made a killing on Pfizer stock thanks to the new drug, and wanted the plate for the new luxury car he bought with the profits... no word yet on his second choice, STIFFY...


Don't use your cutting board-- use your toilet seat instead. After testing various household surfaces in 15 homes for bacteria, researchers from the University of Arizona told New Scientist magazine that toilet seats were much more hygienic than most kitchen surfaces... and cleaning the punchbowl is a snap...


Janet Downes of Bellevue, Nebraska has finally decided who she wants to marry: herself. Ms. Downes has announced plans to wed herself in front of a mirror with 200 friends and relatives in attendance... what do you get for the girl who is everything?


The Humane Society of Arizona has offered a $10,000 reward for information on a rash of kitten tapings in the Phoenix area. Someone has been using duct tape to adhere several kittens to the pavement on Interstate 10...


A Dutch tourist in Spain was treated at a hospital for an adverse reaction to the drug Viagra. Doctors in Alicante reported that the man was suffering from a 36-hour erection... I can't find this category in the Guinness Book anywhere...


A couple in Harwood, North Dakota were surprised Friday morning when a strange man grabbed a beer from their refrigerator and walked into their bedroom. Hey, what's up? asked Christopher Ramirez. Ramirez later told police he thought he was in a church... that would explain the beer...


Operators of a funeral home in Bradenton, Florida are in trouble over their religious beliefs. Bradenton police arrested Paula Albritton and her son, Jimmy Lee Clark, after finding a cadaver at their mortuary with a chest cavity full of voodoo dolls...


Our Bozo of the Week Award goes to Howard Farmer, who allegedly robbed the Pulaski County, Arkansas bank, and was caught minutes later fueling his getaway car at a nearby gas station...



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