Make your own free website on Tripod.com
032899 BluElf Diary

I can't explain why I started this diary. It does no have regular updates. However, it feels right to do it. To jump to the last point where text is added, click the date I just added below then SCROLL UP. Due to the amount of text, I have put prior to 1999 into a separate page. Click at the bottom of this page or click HERE to see those entries.



3/28/99 Sunday
The following was a dream I had the other night. OK Mser's, tell me what it means as if I didn't already know.
....I was in college working on an advanced degree. I was in the next to last quarter taking six cources. We were about to take a quiz and I noticed others looking at material I had not seen. I asked Allan what was in the material. He said it was material handed out on one of the days I missed class. I said to Allan, Well, that does it I guess. I can't do it any more.
....I went to Janice and told her I was leaving college and to say good-bye. She asked me why. I told her I had only a slim chance of passing two of the six cources and no chance of doing the last quarter.
I just can't remember things any more. As I was leaving the classroom, Janice was crying. She asked the professor Doesn't he even get a gold watch?
....As I walked out there was a tear in my eye. I was very disappointed that I had worked so hard and was so close, yet also released. The struggle was too hard.


3/10/99 Wednesday
Where can you write about something that bothers you but you do not want people to think PIT-TI-FUL? In your Diary. So, here goes. I was going to do a paper but it sounded too much like feel sorry for me please, and that is not what I wnat people to think.
About a month ago I had the flu. It really wast not that bad but a virus gets the antibodies all upset. Unfortuately it also excites the antibodies that attack mylin and attract white blood cells. Net result is an exascerbation. This time my right arm was affected and it did not come back to baseline. This was a pisser.
I frist noticed that I had trouble using my arm for a few simple tasks. Then I realized my right was a lot weaker than the left. I estimate losing about 75% of my arm's strength.
That's really not so bad since I am a person who is better at supervising rather than doing manual labor. I did not lose much hand function and I can still lift and pretty well control my arm. However there are a lot of little things that are difficult or no longer possible.
... drying the back of my legs ... tucking in my shirt ... getting a heavy pan out of the oven ... carring my bible ... lifting my wheelchair into the van ... pouring a gallon of milk ... carring in the mail ... painting or hammering ... walking any distance with my crutches ... arm wrestling with my daughter
Since I am right handed and often use my left for balance or to use my cane, this loss of muscle has created a lot of opportunity for workarounds. The really bad issue is the fatigue this causes in the rest of my body. MS fatigue plus this, is really getting me down.
You see, I have always used my arms to compensate for my weak legs resulting from Polio. Now what muscle I have in my legs and left arm must do the work that was done by the right. When I take a shower it takes an hour to rest after I get dressed. It requires 2-3 hours for me to make dinner. Picking up around the house has to be done in ten minute increments. Moving around any of my computer equipment is impossible. Carring a full plate of food is dangerous. And, in the evening I have little left for Becky.
Oh well, I guess that is the way God wants it and He has His reasons. Anyway, I have got it in electrons now and somewhat out of my system. Somehow I feel a little better. Now, maybe, I can push on to the next opportunity.

1/29/99 Friday
The weather is great again today, too good to stay in. I think I am going to spend some money on something somewhere. I did confirm one thing this morning. You know you have lost a function when you try to do a simple task and can not do it. After my shower, I tried to dry the back of my legs, pulling the towel up, but I could not do it. There was no cramp in my arm, it just would not pull the towel up. I guess it is just one more confirmed symptom to record. Question, who do you tell? Why bother a loved one and what stranger would care or understand? It use to depress me a lot to loss a function. Now it is not so bad. I sigh and then start looking for a work around.

1/28/99 Thursday
The best day so far, in a while. Today it reached almost 80 degrees, in late January no less. I went to see my doc lady to get a fungi killer. She gave me some magic cream and told me it would help if I joined a nudist colony to get some sun on that fungi. (I like this doc lady.) Had some kid issues today that fathers do not like to deal with. Think I did OK but only time will tell.

1/27/99 Wednesday
This is a beautiful day. The flu still has me slow but it is a great day outside. With a little more energy, it would have been great for photographs. Have notice my arms seem really weak. They hurt a little more today.

1/26/99 Tuesday
It started out cool but pleasant. I finally set up an appointment between Comcast and JIHS. I know I will have to take the lead but if I pull it off, JIHS will becomes one of the most technically advanced in the country. Today I received a letter from an old friend. She has medical problems that rival mine. Difference is that she seems to always bounce back to 100%. She is quite a lady. It is too bad she lives across the country. Becky and I both love her a lot.

1/25/99 Monday
Nice day, all day. The flu is better but I still feel sluggish. Had a wash out day mentally. Felt down, depressed for some reason. Do not feel I am getting anything done. Definitely not doing any of the fun things I have on my list to do. Still have to nap in afternoon or I get too fuzzy to even drive. (That means I drive fuzzy a lot, just not too fuzzy.) Still need to get action moving on JIHS. Gary Gist called this PM and I did not know who he was. Felt like a fool. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
At night we attended a program at our church to bridge the gap between parents and children. I was disappointed with the number of missing fathers and the program material did not ring my chimes. However, I was very proud of Sean. He did not volunteer information but some of this answers were profound, thoughtful and wise. He is going to be a good man and father.

1/24/99 Sunday
It rained this morning but became sunny nice day. The flu is not as bad today but I still have fatigue problems and the normal symptoms. Catching up in a diary is difficult and really can't be done. When it is time to update, there is always something else with a higher priority. I'll try something new.



Continue BACK into pre-'99 entries